I haven't been able to blog in a long time....... Why? I feel like I have nothing more to say. I feel like a broken record that says the same thing over and over. I have really been thinking several weeks about how to explain this and I get nowhere. All of you are great, and I hope you remain my friends!!!! Maybe things will change and I will want to talk about diabetes again, but right now I am so terribly FED UP with even thinking about it. I am discouraged because I do not understand why my meal bolus have so dramatically increased. Here comes the broken record again - for years, up until February 2007 I always took 2.5U meal bolus for breakfast and 5U for lunch. I eat the same and get the same exercise, but now I need 4U for breakfast and 7.5U for lunch. The dinner meal bolus sometimes needs a teeny bit more. Basal UNchanged. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY. I have really been tired and I practically always have 0.3mmol/l ketones. I have told all in my troop of doctors, and blood tests have revealed NOTHING! The meal bolus requirements started to decrease, but then I had to increase them again. Since what I need does not stay stable, I am constantly adjusting with coke for hypos and correction boluses for too high tests. I am keeping a good level - but it is dam hard and I just HATE thinking about diabetes. I have to spend the remaining time doing something else. I HATE NOT UNDERSTANDING. I am always, always thinking about what could be causing this. I hope I am not sick with something else - that thought grumbles inside me! I have told all doctors and there is nothing else I can do. So I am royally PISSED! On the other hand that IS diabetes - never understanding, always adjusting and never getting help from doctors.
So please stay my friends. Maybe sometime I will write some more entries, but right now I cannot do it. Please forgive me. I hope you will understand, because you have this dam disease too!
Skye says woof to all you guys!
About Me
- Chrissie in Belgium
- T1 diagnosed October 1962 at the age of 10. Pumping since Sep 2004. Cozmo pump. Born in Wisconsin, USA. Moved to Sweden in 1969. Currently living in Belgium. A more complete description is found in my very first blog entry! I LIKE discussing things - so please leave your comments. I will reply back! The point of this blog is to encourage discussion and to really show what is is like to live with diabetes. The good and the bad - BOTH!
My Current ABCs
DISCLAIMER
Diabetes Made Visible
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 License.
Blog Archive
My Favorite Blogs
- Allison: Lemonade Life
- Amy: Diabetes Mine
- Barry: Better Cell
- Bernard's Diabetes Blog
- Beth: In Search of Balance
- Caro: Diabetes Wise
- David Mendosa
- Diabetes O.C. Website
- George: The B.A.D. Blog
- Heidi: Diabetic Dane
- Jenny: Diabetes Update
- Kathy: PurpleHaze
- Kevin: Parenthetic(diabetic)
- Lili: Overcompliance
- Molly: Dam Diabetes
- Nicole: Curious Girl
- Scott's Diabetes Journal
- Scott's Web Log
- Wendy: Diabetes Self-Care
- Wil: Life After Dx
- Zazen in the Moonlight
17 comments:
Chrissie -
I'm so glad you checked in. I was just here the other day; looking and worrying a bit. I very much understand your frustration - and I understand that sometimes it helps to talk about it and sometimes it just DOESN'T. Of course, I'll always be out here in the internet ether if you ever want to chat about things...
Woof back. :)
Nicole
Chrissie,
Glad to see a post from you. I'd been wondering how you've been doing.
You need to take care of you right now. We all understand that. :)
Take care,
Lori
Chrissie,
Sorry you are having such a tough time.
Is it possible that your estrogen is dropping due to normal menopausal changes?
I'm not type 1, but I have a non-insulin resistant form of diabetes and use insulin. I'm in my late 50s but was always on estrogen supplementation.
A few weeks after I stopped my insulin supplementation, my bolus need which had been very stable went from 2.5 units to 3.5 or 4 units. I also started to gain weight which had not previously been a problem.
Doctors know zero about hormones and they won't usually do any serious testing.
But you are at the age where female hormones start to fluctuate like crazy and that may have a strong effect on your blood sugars until the process if over.
At 59, my hormones are flat, so I have no more menopausal symptoms except that my blood sugar has gone up.
Chrissie
I'm glad to see you're still there.
Sorry to hear that control is so bad for you right now. Do you think the ketones are due to past highs? I think they don't clear out of the system immediately.
Maybe you need to look at your basal rates (and I know that's a pain). Did you see Kevin's post about his basal rates (and other things). He said it took a while to get the rates fixed and that's made a huge difference.
I was at a presentation recently where someone made an interesting point. If you're a pumper and you turn your pump off for two hours? Your blood sugar goes way up. Maybe 350 or worse. How much does it take to correct this, 3-8 units depending on your sensitivity. But how much basal insulin did you actually miss? Maybe 1-2 units. The amount of insulin needed to keep you under control is a lot less than the amount to get you back there.
Now I don't know why. But if your basal rates aren't quite right around mealtimes maybe that's part of the issue.
Also, have you ever thought about using Symlin. It really smooths out those after meal highs for me.
Anyway, I'll stop offering advice. I hope you can figure it out before too long.
In case you're not on the blog for a while, have a good summer.
I've always enjoyed your travel stuff - tell us more and include some of your great photos. Just ignore the diabetes part of the blog for now.
chrissie,
sorry things aren't so great right now. hopefully you can't get everything figured out and start feeling better soon. <3
good luck,
and no matter what i'll still be around.
Bethany
Hi sister.
Nah......you don't need to post about DB if you don't feel like it ......
I am still your friend, as are all the other dear sweet people in the OC.
Hope better days come to you soon.
Kathy
Chrissie,
Don't worry, all of us will be here for you whenever you need us. Please just keep in touch and let us know what is going on.
You could always post about other stuff. I think I post about Diabetes about once a week. if that. LOL
My main concern is that you are happy so if blogging does not bring that for you then take a break.
All I ask is that you drop an email and say "hello!" since you are such a great part of the OC.
:)
You guys are GREAT - all of you -Nicole, Lori, anonymous, Bernard, cesnh, Bethany, Kathy and George. My "thank you" to your resonses sounds like nothing, but it comes from my heart and if you were near me I would give you all a big hug and you would understand, you would feel my thanks! The failure of words. I have been thinking about all of your replies - you give me so much more help than any one else including family and doctors. Per cares but he doesn't always understand. Kids are completely caught up in their own lives and that is fine. I want it that way. Doctors - well they do not even care. Yeah Nicole, what would I do without Skye! Anonymous, what is this conincidence or am I mind reading at long distance? Yesterday I sent an email to my CDE asking him to tell me if post menopausal women have increased insulin needs? Are you saying that when you stopped your estrogen supplementation your insulin needs increased? Earlier Kathy suggested the that maybe female hormones were messing things up. I have been post menopausal since 2003, when they removed ovary completely and part ofthe second. On a side note both my gynecologist and endocinologist and lab assistants at that time didn't listen to my worries that my stomach felt weird. The cysts were not cancerous but one was the size of a tennis ball! Doctors! These are so called good doctors at good hospitals. You wonder why I trust NO ONE! Back to the point, maybe hormones in the remaining ovary have totally stopped and THAT is an explanation. I thought that since my periods stopped in 2003 that could not be what was messing things up now. I have had not emotional problems or weight problems connected to menopause. Maybe my bolus needs vary because the female hormones are sometimes produced and then they stop again. One thing remains strange why haven't my basal requirements changed? Bernard, I HAVE done basal checks to determine if they are correct. I cannot increase them more. Other than between 4AM - noon, where my hourly basal is as high as 0.25 or 0.3U/hr, my hourly basal rate is only 0.2U per hour! Yes, I have very small insulin needs! I react quickly to everything - that is why such small quantities as 15-30ml of coke fix my hypos. The only other changes I see are increased ketones and tiredness. I mean I will be reading a book and I CANNOT keep my eyes open. Yesterday I fell asleep in my chair at my desk! Bernard you really brought up a lot of points to consider. I have checked by basal rates. I definitely think that you need much more insulin to get blood glucose back in range than to keep them there. That is why I test so much, even twice every night. In these last months I have rarely gone above 170mg/dl. So you guys will be saying, what is she gripping about. i am gripping b/c I have to test and test and test and use correction boluses and take walks when I don't want to and am tired. I do all that to get where I am and I am very privileged to ba able to be so flexible in planning my time! This is what I mean when I say that the remaining time I just do not want to go near the subject of diabetes. OK - I am reading a marvelous book. The author Marina Lewycka is Ukranian and she is really not talked about in the US or at B&N. I am currently reading "Two Caravans". previously I read "A Short History of Tractors in Ukranian" which was marvelous. You cannot help but laugh. Serious subjects, but this author makes you laugh and then cry at today's world and at "humans". Then you laugh again. And the DOG in Two Caravans - the personality! This author has empathy, she can get inside of people. Her language is marvelous.
Again, back to the point! Bernard, I do not have problems with blood values after meal, so symlin is not for me. I might have gastroparesis. I always eat carbs with low GI index. The whole wheat bread with peanut butter and lettuce+spinach which I eat for breakfast and lunch every day is digested very slowly. Dinner is just a green salad composed of "free vegetables", which for me do need insulin and a teeny protein portion. Proteins cause my bg to increase 6-8 hours later and in an variable manner. THE BROKEN RECORD AGAIN! SORRY! But Bernard, I appreciate that you THINK, you respond with good ideas and I feel almost bad in thinking nope, your ideas cannot help me. But at least you try and help me. My GOOD PROFESSOR endocrinologist has just replied that things will eventually go back to how they were....... Empathy, exploring oissible explanations, personal sharing of ideas - what is that?
So all you guys, I AM still here, and if you want to put any questions to me send me an email. I do understand a lot about diabetes, or at least how it affects me. I can maybe help others more than I can helpmyself now. My gut feeling is that because I am so stumped about my current situation that I feel I don't dare open my mouth or give any advice. We diabetics are all so DIFFERENT. What do I know?! What works on me, will it work well for another? So I feel reluctant to advise others......
And posting about other stuff, a little bit, once in a while? Well, I feel obligated to keep you in touch with the diabetes side. AND I AM SO SICK OF IT! Diabetes really influences who I am, so skipping it is really practically impossible. Maybe I will try!
So I am out there still but I cannot write so much. Boy laugh at me - look at all the blab I have just spit out. Thanks for not giving up on me. I need you as my friends.
Hey Chrissie,
I meant to comment yesterday, but was stuck in meetings all day and never had a chance. Anyway, I think the frustration part is pretty self-explanatory, so don't feel compelled to blog about diabetes specifically, that is just one part of all of us. Personally, I suspect people aren't being truthful when they claim they don't have any problems with managing diabetes, I have yet to meet anyone that does it without issue, suggesting that frustration is widespread!
On a totally unrelated issue, I have been having a craving lately for salmiakki (saltlakrits). There is an IKEA close to my office, and I went there to see if they had any, and they did! Of course, it wasn't the xylitol-sweetened stuff that is so widely available in the Nordic countries (also sold in the Netherlands under the name "Zoute Drop"). Anyway, I ate quite a few yesterday ... decadence, to be sure, but well worth it!!
Chrissie, I'm so glad you wrote again ~ I have been concerned about you. I am type 1 and on the pump for 12 years. I was relatively successful with controlling my sugars until menopause hit ~ didn't know what was going on because I've had a hysterectomy with one ovary left. My doctor checked my hormones levels and sure enough ~ menopause is a definite player in my significant blood sugar problems. Basals and boluses are constantly needing change. And I mean daily.
Perhaps no comfort to you; I just want you to know you are not alone in your hardship.
Hey Chrissie!
So glad you dropped a line. Even though I've been up to my ears busy, I've noticed your absence.
I hear you're frustrations LOUD AND CLEAR. I'd like to share with you two quotes from some good friends of mine:
"There is no equals sign in diabetes" - Scott Johnson
and
"Stop trying to analyze this... and just try your very best." - Chrissie in Belgium
It's hard, I know. We want logic so badly, but our bodies deny us this.
Keep your chin up, and keep punchin'.
I am SO glad I got the nerve up to write a post. Life is so nice sharing stuff with you!!!!!!!! I KNOW that there is no logic to it - but deep in me I blame myself for all diabetic difficulties. I am too hard on myself. Sometimes people critize me and say I am TOO demanding of others, but I am worse with myself. Scott, I have a smile on my face. Nice to talk to you again!!! Look, I don't write for over a month and you comment the NEXT day!¨People do definitely have othere things in their lives that demand attention. OK, about the saltlakrts. First a little story. You must remeber I have had diabetes since the dark ages. In the beginning there were no sugar free drinks and no sugar free candies. When they first started coming I was living in Sweden. Per and I and Eric and Ellen, they must have been aroun 3 and 6 years old. I discovered diabetic saltlakritis. I STUFFED myself on them. I ate so many that I really made myself sick. I had SO MANY that I never ever wanted one ever again! Just the though makes me sick, even today! I have never seen these in Holland, but I haven't looked. Anyhow when I am in Sweden this summer I will get you some and mail them to you. What exactly is it that you want? Is it any salt lakrits? Or is it salt lakrits with xylitol? Send me an email with your address. I would LOVE to pay you pack for getting me to dare to use my legs and arms for insertion sites. I love using my upper thighs and arms. My stomach sends you big thanks! Hi Kevin, it is like I get so happy talking to you again!!! Bernard mentioned how you had achieved better results by adjusting your basal. I know isn't it amazing how teen little tweeks in the basal make much bigger improvement than correction boluses that fix a problem after they have occurred. A while ago when I checked my basals I changed from 0.25U to 0.3U per hour during three hours. Huge improvement! I am glad you found improvement too. And Kevin I am also laughing because I am so terrible at following my own advice!!!!!! IMy brain will just not shut down - analyze, analyze, analyze..... How do you turn off wondering? How do you stop being curious?
Hi anonymous, the thing is that I have a hard time really believing that female hormones could be causing my increased mealbolus needs, since I have had no menstruation since the end of 2002. After one ovary was removed and part of the other, then I did have my period irregularly for about two years. Then in 2003 it stopped completely. So how can this be affecting my blood glucose levels 4.5 years later? Secondly I received a reply from my CDE yesterday. He said that insulin levels usually DECREASE when female hormones stop. Anyhow - I will have to follow my own advice and stop analyzing. THINK if doctors really had all the answers to this weird disease! Personally, I I would never want to supplement with women's hormones. I like taking as few added medications as possible. They always seem to find out the bad stuff years later. When you get old, you get old. Hopefully you get a little wiser too. I never take sleeping pills. I never take anti-depressants. I never even use make-up either. You are who you are. For me, I like simplicity. That is what works for me, maybe not others.
Now Bethany, I am going to look at some pics I have of our recent short trip to Brittany! I choose Brittany any day over Croatia. Beautiful beaches. For me - happiness is walking on an empty beach with Skye loose, hearing the punding of waves. What would life be without dreams. I dream that maybe someday when Per retires we sell our house here in Brussels and by a little house in Finistère, the western part of Brittany, France!!!!! On the beach. Remember anything is possible in dreams. I will try and post some pics.
Hi Chrissie,
Great to see you back here again! Even though I haven't had much time for blog reading or -posting for the past months myself, I too have noticed your absence :-)
I understand your frustration about not being able to figure out what causes the frequent changes in insulin needs/-sensitivity that you experience. I guess it is just part of being diabetic, but that doesn't really make it any easier. Just know that we will be here to listen whenever you feel like posting!
Keep in touch!
Hi Heidi - how are YOU doing? Are you getting ready to move???? And Jimmi. I hope he is feeling better. I have canceled Skype b/c I kept getting bothered by a stupid company selling stuff. Please let me know what is happening in your life.
And Kevin I forgot to say how is the baby and your wife doing? I am really happy for you :) ! Kids are the best - but they drive you even more crzy when they get older b/c then you have absolutely no control any more. The control freak says this. Now I am going to try and write a new post with some pics of Brittany in Western France.
Chrissie,
The babies are doing great. I'm still busting my ass working around the house in prep for their arrival, but Meg is getting big, and the babies are growing at just the right rates and the pregnancy has been going very smoothly. There are a few pics (in utero) over on my page you can check out.
And NEVER stop analyzing or being curious! Just don't let it drive you crazy (now, that's the tricky part!).
Hey Chrissie!
Sorry I haven't commented yet - I've been so dang busy.
I just read all of your posts, and it seems things are heading in the right direction for you. That is good. And in your last post you were feeling HAPPY! Which is fantastic!
I think we all go through ups and downs, and it is natural. We just need to keep on keeping on. You do that well.
Take care!
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