A BAD HYPO:
but here I am still chugging along and actually I am happier.

Which should we take first, the good or the bad? The good - it is more fun! I am getting out of the dumps. Here I go again analyzing why, why , why...... Some of the issues that have been pestering me have disappeared - the computer works, my cold is practically gone and we have had two days of sunny, crisp weather. It has been just beautiful the last two days. First when I returned from Sweden I was so down that I felt simply defeated by the number of blogs that I felt I had to read. I try to be Mme. Perfectionist and write good responses to other's issues and I couldn't, so I gave up..... Perfectionism can kill you. It certainly has made diabetes management more difficult for me. If I feel overwhelmed, I just give up completely. Well, I started by reading the blogs of those who had left comments on my blog b/c you guys really did make me feel you cared. I really felt that. Then it got easier as I went along. So many of us have had colds, and look we all have computer problems, so I felt "terribly whiny" and annoyed at myself. My problems were peanuts! JUST PEANUTS! In the book I was reading, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, the central character says "I preferred someone to understand my situation, even though she was helpless to fix it, rather than the other way around. But that's just me." Well that is me too! I will figure out how to deal with and solve each problem, but I need understanding and a sense of caring from someone. You who left comments gave that to me; you kindness really did help. What a kind word can do! I also have had some issues with my family - Mom, Per and the kids. In relation to my Mom I really have done all I could to give her a good holiday. I felt she wanted to plaster me with advice, rather than listening and trying to understand what was going on concerning several issues. What, does she think I am so incapable that I cannot figure out my own solutions. What I needed was understanding. I felt she understood ONLY other family members' point of view at the expense of mine. She was babying Per at my expense, and it pissed the hell out of me. OK Per has a difficult problem to deal with at work, but that does NOT mean he should be treated like some holy prince. God, every little chore she asked me to do - "oh, let Per relax..... Don't bother him, but can't you fix this for me." Meanwhile Per, he retreated into his cave! I think she understands a bit, but she is a very, very strong person. I tend to just crumple and fold up, but then feel annoyed. I understand her loneliness after my father's death and have really tried to give her two weeks of vacation from this loneliness. Then the book goes on to say, "But you cannot talk yourself out of anger. Either you are angry or you're not." So I was angry and depressed and no matter how much I told myself that my mound of problems was just plain, ordinary trivia, I remained mad and depressed. The care and understanding I felt from you guys just makes the mound melt away. I think this is why I feel better. Per HAS cheered up a bit. And we have had two days of sun. And since my cold is better I could take long walks. Skye was so happy - his ears jiggling along. So that was the good - how your kindness has helped me!

The bad, well - I have had a whopper of a hypo, probably b/c of my 2 three-hour walks on the weekend. The thing is that usually I don't get such hypos after weekends with two long walks. I woke up at 1AM early Monday morning, as I always do...... Apparently I was confused b/c rather than doing a blood test I started pushing the buttons on my pump!!!!! Not a good idea. I vaguely remember just pushing, pushing and pushing the buttons. Skye just slept on....... He is NOT trained like Molly's Dixie. I do not know why the pump "stopped"" - but when it started beeping I couldn't figure out how to get it to shut up, so I had to wake up Per. Then I passed out - although it seems somewhere along the line he got me to drink 60ml of coke. I woke up again and realized that I had been doing stuff with the pump - and yup I managed to give myself a correction bolus of insulin, albeit only 0.15U. Thank goodness I have a limit set so that no more than 6U can be given in any given hour! Use this function. You might get yourself in the same situation as me. I am purely guessing, but I think I was in the 20s b/c I have often had 35 and I can treat myself. I do not pass out at 35. I call hypos bad when I need someone else's help - this qualified as such a hypo! By 3AM the bg had risen to 145. I made a calculation. Insulin resistance began to occur two hours after the hypo, and it continued for ten hours, through noon today. During this time I needed 38% more insulin. This insulin was NOT needed b/c I ate too much for the hypo. All I had was the 60ml of coke. An hour after the hypo the bg was fine at 64. After lunch today my bg values are acting normal again. Well I survived. There is no understanding why this happened this particular night. Sure, I did walk during the day, but I often take such walks. I survived. I am fine - but this was a bit too close for comfort and SHIT, what was I thinking? Why was I pushing the buttons on the pump? I think it was that I confused it with my bg monitor! I know I was not trying to turn the pump off - I never think of that. It never even occurred to me that I was low. Yuck!

Question: have you read about how too low LDL, perhaps by taking statins, can be harmful?!!! My LDL was 15!!! Before I got the pump my total cholesterol was high, primarily b/c the HDL has always been very high. HDL is the good cholesterol. Nevertheless, I was then told to take 20mg of Lipitor. This has been reduced to 10mg. My last test had HDL-134, LDL-15, Triglycerides-44 and total cholesterol-157. I recently asked my endocrinologist if I could just stop taking them b/c perhaps the values were getting TOO low. "No, no, no - don't worry", I was told. Now, today in the paper I read that a study shows that low LDL can be related to Parkinson?????!!!!!! OMG, but it was only one study! Whom do you trust? The poor doctors do not have all the answers!

I also read an interesting study that explained why diabetics develop hypo unawareness. A hypo normally makes the body react with epinephrine, cortisol and other bg raising hormones. However, this causes toxicity. Your body is merely trying to avoid this toxicity, and therefore you do not produce these hormones so easily........ The body is truly amazing!